Grandfathering kids into sailing
Issue 79: July/Aug 2011
The story of Pop Pop’s Cruise is rooted in a question asked of me by my 18-year-old grandson, Tony, when he was just 9. Following an extended trip to Maine on our 30-foot Catalina, Feierabend, my wife and I were excitedly telling our family of our experiences.
“When can I go on a long trip with you, Pop Pop?” Tony asked.
“When you are capable of taking care of yourself on the boat,” I answered, and that made me wonder what I could do to help him become that capable young person.
It was my good fortune as a child to attend a waterfront day camp where I learned to sail and developed the love I have for sailing. My goal became to find such a program for my grandson. It had to be a program my wife and I would be able to offer to all 10 of our grandchildren if it was something that they wanted to do. We found it at the Housatonic Boat Club, in Stratford, Connecticut: the Junior Sailing Instruction Program. We decided the age of 11 would be most appropriate for the children to begin to develop their sailing skills as well as their self-assurance and confidence.
All our grandchildren had been on our boat numerous times but as guests, not as crew members. To be part of a working crew, they needed to be more capable. To me, that means that — within reason — the crew can focus on boat tasks and activities and take care of themselves at the same time. For example, if I determine that harnesses, tethers, and life jackets are appropriate for a given situation, I should not have to help anyone into his gear.
In the middle of the winter of 2009, I was looking for a way to take the kids to the next level of boating experience. By this time, one of our grandsons was 17 years old and two were 13. They each had successfully completed the sailing camp and all expressed interest in the cruise idea. Pop Pop’s Cruise was born as a logical next step in developing their sailing and boating skills and love of the water.
A delivery cruise
I believe the development of young people is best fostered by engaging them together in accomplishing a stated goal. We set for our goal the delivery of Feierabend to Stonington, Connecticut, from where my wife and I would begin our cruise.
We began to discuss things like crew change, care of equipment, a schedule, ports of call, and planning. We talked about crew assignments (helmsman, navigator, and log keeper), getting familiar with tide and current charts, distance between stops, plotting and piloting skills, a galley schedule, and — very important to a happy and well-functioning crew — a daily meal plan with specific meal assignments for everyone. Meal planning included making up the menu, purchasing the needed provisions, and the preparation, serving, and cleanup for that meal.
Each member of our crew was assigned to work out in advance — with my help if needed — some part of the trip. One was responsible for figuring the distances between our planned stops and what our estimated travel time should be. Another was to figure the tides at each stop and what times the currents would be helpful or not. The third, using local charts, was to do the plotting necessary to get us where we wanted to go. Also as part of our plan, the three main tasks of helmsman, navigator, and log keeper would rotate daily, with me as the relief guy.
I put a set of guidelines together for our trip: what to bring, what not to bring, things to do and not to do. This included what is now the famous rule: no electronic games or gizmos. In my opinion, if this cruise was to have a positive influence on the lives of my grandchildren, in how they interacted with their cousins and with me, we would have to talk to each other and not be looking at the tops of heads bent over fleeting fingers.
I explained my position, and suggested that old-fashioned games take the place of modern high-tech activities that stifle personal interaction. I explained that this was a trip for all of us to be together, learning from each other while working at our common objective of getting Feierabend to Stonington on time.
That weeklong trip in the summer of 2009 was a success. We ate well, we learned to live in the rain, to pick up and secure a mooring in a near gale, to anchor in a quiet and reflective river. We learned to use the VHF in the fog, to talk with captains of high-speed ferries about our location and theirs. We sat in the cockpit in the evenings and talked with each other. We swam together, and worked together to get the genoa under control. We visited a shop that makes custom team wear and designed a logo for our cruise and ordered shirts. And we got Feierabend to Stonington on time.
Throughout the adventure we gathered experiences, and we realized that the the takeaways from Pop Pop’s Cruise were the intangibles, not the destination. As we were completing the crew change and the launch was heading to shore, all three boys, each in their own way, asked about a second cruise in 2010.
A tradition gets under way
When planning for 2010, we reviewed some of the good and the not-so-good from the previous year and made minor modifications. Simpler meals and no hard suitcases. The biggest change was a conscious decision not to have a specific destination, only to head west from Feierabend’s home port. Many fine harbors lie to the west of our slip in Milford, Connecticut, all fairly close together. In 2010, without a specific place-and-time commitment to drive us, the sailing would be much easier.
Pop Pop’s Cruise 2010 had all the glitches you could ever not want. The shift cable broke as we were about to start. That cost us two days. Then we were faced with debilitating heat. On two nights it was 86 degrees on deck at 2300 hours, so we had to make a run to a supermarket to buy three more cases of water. The biggest disappointment for me was that the new refrigeration unit that I tried to have ready for our trip would not operate. That meant we had to chase ice.
Those three items were unavoidable givens accepted by all and, in the end, had no negative impact on our 2010 experience. Unlike 2009 when rain, fog, and humidity were our crewmates, this year we had only one afternoon of nasty stuff, and the entire crew joined me in the cockpit in foulies, “To keep you company, Pop Pop; you might need us.”
The purpose of our cruise was to give us all an opportunity to get to know each other and grow in our real-life roles and as members of a crew. This little display of camaraderie and support helps to illustrate the kind of learning that came from our journey together. And we were nowhere near our destination for the day . . . or life.
We plan for Pop Pop’s Cruise to continue, but one logistical issue must be addressed. Do you have any idea how much space a 19-year-old, two 15-year-olds, a 12-year-old, and a Pop Pop take up with their gear and the food needed to feed them? One of my crew had a solution: “You’ve got to get a bigger boat, Pop Pop.” Of course, why didn’t I think of that?
Logs from Pop Pop’s Cruise, 2010
Tony Lato (18)
It was almost as if Poseidon didn’t want us on his seas for our second voyage aboard the Feierabend. Our first misfortune happened as my brother, Christopher, and I were driving to Pop Pop and Grandma’s house. My Wrangler went over a normal bump but, since there is a problem with the front end, it started literally hopping on I-95 at about 63 miles per hour. Then I lost the clutch pedal. Scary stuff. I called AAA and we were towed back home. Pop Pop picked us up the next morning, delaying our start.
We arrived at the boat and loaded her up but, just as we were about to start the engine to cast off, we realized two things. The first was that the gearshift lever was stuck and the second was that stainless could be pretty brittle — the lever came clear off, just like my clutch! At this point we were all secretly freaking out on the inside. I thought there was no way we could continue and feared the worst. Luckily, it turned out to be just the old cable to the engine. It was disassembled and a new one ordered and reinstalled, delaying us two days. Everyone helped with the process. Our cousin Jack did a great job of reassembling the instruments while we were under way.
We finally arrived at Port Jefferson, about 13 miles across Long Island Sound, picked up a mooring, and did some intense swimming. Our Uncle Greg came out in his boat and took us fishing. We all had pretty good luck, and everyone had a good time even though we didn’t get any keepers. We stayed there another day. We relaxed, read, tanned, and just generally enjoyed. Our uncle came back so we could go fishing again. This time we had the tide on our side and everyone caught at least 25 fish. We also explored in the dinghy and did some more swimming at a nearby barrier beach.
On Sunday, we headed to Northport where we picked up a mooring at the Northport Yacht Club, giving us access to showers, a pool, and the village of Northport itself. We enjoyed these amenities, stayed the night, and then headed for Oyster Bay. Finally we had enough wind coming from the right direction for us to have a great sail.
The next day it was finally my turn to be skipper, and it was our best day of sailing. Just that day alone was enough to keep me coming back for years. There is something about turning off the engine and hearing nothing but the bow as it cuts through the waves that has me hooked. To me, it is the most relaxing thing in the world because it is truly liberating.
Later that day, we experienced another facet of Momma Nature’s powers as the sky opened up for a storm. We broke out foul weather gear, turned on the engine, and headed to Port Jeff while keeping a watchful eye on the Doppler radar to make sure we would beat the lightning. We arrived safely, picked up a mooring at Setauket Yacht Club, and took advantage of the showers there. The next day we took the launch into Port Jefferson, explored the town, and had a great seafood dinner. Jack and I had the same thing — the fat father of the little fluke we were catching with Uncle Greg. Delicious!
We left the next morning and managed to get in more sailing. I took lots of pictures that day, my favorite one being a shot of the telltales flying perfectly horizontally, something everyone agreed was a great thing to see.
For the second year now, this trip has allowed me to get away from work without really going too far. It allows all of us to have “waterfront property,” which we all love. It’s fun to just sit in the cockpit and watch the sunset or watch boats come in and out. Later, it’s always fun to stargaze, hear about crazy scientific theories, or just talk about the day. I learned to navigate without relying on the GPS, learned to read a chart, and got a chance to see the rules of the road in use, something Chapman’s cannot teach. More importantly, the four of us got a chance to come together and, although this sounds tacky, bond over the course of a week. We got to be ourselves without our moms or other relatives there, since they normally would be around anytime the four of us might be together.
This bond is a strong one; it allows us to depend on each other, since we had to over the course of the cruise. The great thing about this is that Pop Pop allowed and encouraged this to happen. Everyone had responsibilities to fill. For example, if Pop Pop was at the helm and we were coming into a busy harbor with a strong current, he had to trust that we were competent enough to grab the mooring line and quickly wrap it around the cleat. We had to keep a watchful eye on each other as we swam and, best of all, we had to take turns cooking meals for each other.
An interesting thing is how people changed over the course of a year since the last cruise. I noticed that our cousin Jack has matured significantly. I also noted that there was basically no bickering among us, even on those hot days with nothing to do. Pop Pop’s cruise has fostered these relationships and “harbored” growth as family members and as sailors. I plan on sailing at least at the club level at the College of Charleston for the next four years and look forward to the day when I can invite Pop Pop on my own boat and take him for a sail.
Jack Heiden (14)
While we were in Port Jefferson, Uncle Greg came and picked us up on his boat and we motored out into Long Island Sound. He gave us each a fishing pole, showed us the bucket of bait, and said, “Drop your lines down to the bottom; we’re fishing for fluke and that’s where they are.” Tony was the first to bait his line, so he dropped it in and, before I turned around, he was reeling in a fish! That’s how the rest of the time went, dropping our lines in and, if we were in the right spot, we’d all have something in 30 seconds! We were catching fluke, blue jays, and sea robins. The biggest fish of the day was Uncle Greg’s 20.25-inch fluke. We were catching so many fish we ran out of bait. With one of the last pieces of bait, I caught a sea robin. Uncle Greg said, “Bring it on the boat.” We cut it up and used it for more bait. At the end of the day, we estimated we’d caught a combined total of 100 to 110 fish.
After the interesting start of the trip, my favorite parts were: sitting down below reading, then suddenly not hearing the engine . . . but we were still moving: we were sailing. Or when Pop Pop said, “OK, let’s turn the engine off now,” and then we were just relaxing on the deck, sailing with the silence of the motor off.
It was great to have the four of us. We got to switch duties each day. We switched breakfast, lunch, and dinner; helmsman, navigator, and log keeper. One day each of us wouldn’t have to make a meal because there are only three. Breakfast and lunch were the easiest. Breakfast was usually cereal, and lunch ended up being peanut butter and jelly. Dinner ranged from meatballs to chicken; every dinner was delicious.
Helmsman was the preferred duty of the day, and it was even more preferable on a windy day. When you’re helmsman, you’re at the wheel the entire time the boat is moving, motor or sail. For the navigator job, Pop Pop showed us how to use several specific tools to determine where we were. There was some learning involved in that. Log keeper was the task of writing the day’s events in a notebook.
Even though we’d all been to sailing camp and gone on Pop Pop’s cruise before, I think I speak for all of us when I say it was a learning experience, not only learning what you’d expect, but we also learned a lot about each other, even something about ourselves. For example, I learned that I can, in fact, go more than a week without texting. Chris takes his Connect Four game very seriously, Tony is a great photographer, and Pop Pop has an extremely high amount of patience.
I mentioned it before, but it deserves to be noted again. After being on the dock or having to use the motor, having sail up was really quite amazing. It was so nice to be able to go without listening to the loud motor. It was fun, too, the way the boat heels, watching the telltales, and even pulling the genoa lines.
Christopher Lato (14)
One would generally wonder how four men aged 14 and up can survive one week together on a 30-foot sailboat. Sailors would wonder about the space issue and the weather, friends would wonder how you would not go completely insane, and mothers would wonder if you might get unhealthy from a lack of fruit and vegetables. However, not one member of the crew cared about any of these things.
One night on the cruise we stayed on a mooring belonging to Northport Yacht Club. Jack was the man on the helm for the day and wanted to take on the challenge of driving up to the mooring while Tony picked up the line. The pickup stick was bobbing from one side of the bow to the other. It tricked Tony. He lost sight of it as we were creeping past it. Luckily, I saw it and pulled it right up. It took a team effort, but in no time we were safely on the mooring.
I have an uneasy memory of anchoring on the boat trip. When we arrived in our chosen place of anchorage in Oyster Bay, we began to let the chain out. We drifted back and settled as the tide reached its low. The depth-o-meter read 5 feet 11 inches. We were swimming when we learned this. After that, I no longer went swimming. I am 6-feet 1-inch tall and would rather lie on a bed of nails than have my feet touch the bottom dwellers in Oyster Bay. I checked the depth-o-meter periodically through the night. The water was never that shallow again, but it still is unknown whether or not the mighty hull of the Feierabend touched the bottom of Oyster Bay.
At the end of the cruise, the four of us were like brothers. Every night there were Connect Four tournaments, an electronics-free game which generally leaves one winner. But when we landed back home in Port Milford, we all had connected together. We talked about everything together and had really gotten to know each other. So in reality, we all had connected four and we all won. Thank you, Pop Pop, for an amazing time. Where do you want to sail next year?
Greg “Pop Pop” Fairbend has been messing around for 64 years in everything from an 8-foot punt to his present 1989 Catalina 30, Feierabend. Cruising, day sailing, racing, and deliveries have taken him from Maine to Florida and Bermuda, but what he enjoys most is being on the boat with his family: wife Ellen, four children and their spouses, and 10 grandchildren.
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