Issue 37 : Jul/Aug 2004
I’ve singlehanded for a couple of weeks at a time, and I’ve cruised with an all-male crew as well. Both are OK, but not my preference. Joshua Slocum and other singlehanders have circumnavigated, and they have my admiration for that. I know how difficult singlehanding is, but I have no desire to circumnavigate and certainly no desire to do it alone. My preference is to cruise with my wife. Just the two of us. I suspect I’m not alone in this … that the most highly prized feature almost any boat can have is a woman aboard who is keenly interested in and completely involved in sailing it. Without such a woman, you have singlehanding or something like the boys’ night out.
If you are inclined to this view but do not have such a crew, you may be interested in how I was able to achieve this. I am no expert in these matters. Even my friends would say that my relationship with the fair sex has had its ups and downs. I’ll never be a ladies’ man. Still, if I can do it, others can too.
When I met Karen I had a lot of things going against me. I was too old, too short, preferred motorcycles to cars, and was an engineer. Her father was an engineer, and she did not think she wanted another. For her part, she had spent a few hours in small boats, but this had only sparked a mild interest. I, on the other hand, knew that this was the woman for me and understood that, since sailing was very important to me, I needed to try to make it important to her too.
I bought a subscription to Cruising World, had it mailed to her address, and invited her to crew for me when I raced, which was three times a week. After a short but reasonable courtship, we spent our honeymoon in a chartered Catalina 30 on Lake Superior. A year later we bought our own boat, and the three of us — man, woman, and boat — have lived happily ever after.
The seduction to sailing goes like this:
Don’t yell. Guys don’t like screamers. Woman like them less. If you have already yelled, get on both knees and beg. Then don’t ever yell again. It’s that simple. No exceptions. None.
Give her control. Since I simply love to sail and don’t much care about destinations, I designated Karen as the “Operations Officer.” She chooses when we go, where we go, and when we sit tight. My input to these considerations is minimal. To do operations well, she needed to learn to navigate, which has been a not inconsiderable side benefit.
Make sense. Sorry, guys, women are much more reasonable than men. The sailing experience has to make sense. If you choose to sail around with the winches and leeward ports in the water, you are headed for a life of singlehanding or the boys’ nights out. Be in complete control and appear to be in complete control of the boat at all times.
Involve her. One way or another, help her learn every skill aboard that she has an interest in. Keep trying to expand her interests. Make sailing knowledge open, accessible, and inviting.
Learn together. Frankly, there’s not much skill required to be able to sail. On the other hand, sailing provides an opportunity for lifelong learning. Learn together.
Make a team, be a team. Even if you forswear sailing around with the lee rail in the water, there will be plenty of challenges to sailing. The pride of having met these as a team bonds all the rest together.
That’s what worked for us, and I suspect similar versions have worked for others. I’ve kept this explanation simple and directed it to guys because they are the ones who seem to need it. Besides, guys are simple creatures, most of whom weren’t meant to cruise alone.
Thank you to Sailrite Enterprises, Inc., for providing free access to back issues of Good Old Boat through intellectual property rights. Sailrite.com
