Spicing up a marriage with a sailboat means learning some new ropes.
Issue 129: Nov/Dec 2019
A few years ago, just prior to our 24th wedding anniversary, I got to wondering what made our marriage so strong. We had survived numerous moves, jobs, two kids, a life-threatening illness, and a career-ending injury. Through it all, we managed not just to survive, but to thrive. It’s difficult to know what makes one relationship succeed and others fail, but I was determined to find out. I decided to put our love through a stress test. I bought a sailboat.
It was lunch break at work. I drifted off into a fantasy dream state and awoke to find myself staring at a real beauty on my computer monitor. She had an alluring name, Salammbo, was about my age, well equipped (if you know what I mean), and had long sleek lines — 29 feet of them. With her powerful inboard motor and GPS and radar, it was clear she could get around. I was in love.
So close to our anniversary date, how would I convince my wife, Jan, to allow another she into our lives? I decided that being direct was the best approach. I emailed her a copy of Salammbo’s profile complete with pictures and dimensions. In the subject line I wrote, “Want to spice things up?”
Jan emailed me back instantly: “Let’s go for it!” I could only surmise that she, too, wanted to test the depths of our love.
I should note that, at this time, other than taking out a small dinghy a couple of times, neither Jan nor I had any experience sailing or owning a boat, but having watched hours of YouTube sailing videos, I was confident in my abilities.
Because there’s nothing like jumping into the deep end to learn how to swim or sail, for our first sailing adventure we set off on a six-hour cruise down the beautiful St. John River from Fredericton, New Brunswick, to Grand Lake. We started out motoring, with me singing the Popeye song as we went. Gaining confidence, we decided to hoist our first sail. I chose the bag with the big “#1” stenciled on the side. I’ve since learned that the lower the number, the bigger the sail. Go big or go home.
Raising the sail went as smoothly as in any YouTube video. It filled with air, we turned off the motor, and Salammbo began to glide silently through the water. At 1 knot, Jan and I smiled at each other with pride. At 2 knots, our eyes widened with excitement. We jumped to 4 knots and our heart rates jumped to 120 beats! Then we were at 6 knots. This is when Salammbo began to ignore my feeble helming abilities and took over. Apparently, she was keen on heading directly toward a rather large bridge abutment. I froze, this scenario wasn’t covered on any YouTube video I had watched. Jan looked at me with a serene urgency and said, “I think we should take the sail down.”
I forced a calm cool reply, “I think you’re right.”
Rope learned: Agreement is a good foundation for a great marriage.
We wrestled the sail down onto the deck. Then I suggested what seemed like a good idea, “Let’s leave it on the deck in case we want to try it again.” Shaken, but not deterred, we continued down the river.
With Salammbo under our control again, our spirits began to rise, and we were soon belting out the refrain to Enya’s sailing anthem, “Sail Away,” goofy smiles on our faces.
As we negotiated the last bend of the river into the entrance to Grand Lake, we noticed with some trepidation that the water ahead had a peculiar look to it, as if it was boiling. We were suddenly in the midst of 4-foot whitecaps. It was too late to turn around, and I hollered above the gale, “I think it would be a good idea to don lifejackets!”
“I agree!” Jan hollered back. She’s really a good woman. We had only two lifejackets on board, one was adult-size and the other was for a child. Gallantly, I squeezed my 220 pounds into the child-size jacket.
Rope learned: Marriage requires sacrifice.
We hit the waves and they hit back. Water crashed over the bow and onto our heads. In my tiny orange vest, I looked like a demented Michelin Man. Jan looked sexy as ever — I honestly don’t know how she does it.
Rope learned: Flattery never hurts in a marriage.
It was at this time we realized that Salammbo is demon-possessed. We watched in horror as the sail we’d brought down earlier started raising itself up the headstay. As it started flapping maniacally in the wind, I said to Jan, “I think you should go up front and bring the sail down.”
Silence. Another wave crashed.
“Yeah, right.”
“But marriage requires sacrifice,” I said, “It’s your turn!” After shooting me a look that told me I’d be sleeping alone that night, she bravely made her way to the bow. The only way she could subdue the beast was to lie spread-eagled across it.
“Good job, Lovie!” I called out.
Rope learned: Encouragement is nourishment in a relationship.
Jan responded with the one-finger peace sign.
Rope learned: Honest feedback is the core to a trusting relationship.
What seemed like hours of rolling and crashing and pounding was likely just minutes, but when you’re in love or in danger, time stands still. Eventually, the squall passed and we made our way into calmer waters. With as much dignity as two drowned rats could muster, we sailed into our destination harbor, me in my child’s life jacket beaming with pride, and Jan laughing herself to tears recounting our adventures. We found a mooring and tied up safely for the night.
Watching the sun set, Jan said, “I think it’s time for a drink.”
Rope learned (and most important): Celebrate each other and everything — the good, the bad, and the terrifying.
Trevor Wilkinson, a freelance writer and public speaker, is the author of The Wellness Journey: Navigating a New Normal, and is working on his first novel. He enjoys sharing stories from his experiences and adventures, often using humor to convey the idea that all of us are capable of great acts of stupidity if we try hard enough. Trevor and Jan have shared 27 happy years together, including four years as mostly happy sailing mates.
Thank you to Sailrite Enterprises, Inc., for providing free access to back issues of Good Old Boat through intellectual property rights. Sailrite.com
