BY PAT MCMANUS (SHERIDAN HOUSE, 2005; 106 PAGES; $10.95)
REVIEWED BY ERIC NELSON
The subtitle of this book could be, Larry, Moe and Curly go sailing with a friend, except there is precious little sailing in this book and very little to interest the readers of Good Old Boat.
Four Guys in a Boat describes how a group of college professors and administrators, “the guys” (membership in the group changes with time), overcame cold winters and their own midlife crises by chartering a series of boats in the Caribbean and the Bahamas. Accounts of the suffering they endured as college profs reinforce the words of my first department chairman,”College teaching is hell, but it beats working for a living.”
The chapters tend to be repetitive accounts in which the protagonists fly to a location, get in a sailboat, and go to someplace in which they can drink exotic drinks (mostly based on rum), eat (mostly greasy hamburgers and cookies), ogle women (scantily clad or not clad at all), and entertain each other with sophomoric humor. Space is given to the guys’ discomfort while putting suntan lotion on the backs of their fellow guys . . . apparently due to concern about what unknown spectators might think of them.
Virtually nothing is included about the places visited, the people of the islands (except for bartenders, waitresses, and one boat groupie they turn down when she approaches them about a ride). The rest of that chapter is devoted to fantasizing about what would have happened if they had said yes to the groupie and their wives found out. Sailing is described briefly. The charter boats are a dreary listing of mid-size monohulls and catamarans. The catamarans astound the book’s author by their inability to sail close to the wind, a characteristic that 15 minutes in a Hobie Cat would have made clear. There isn’t a good old boat in the lot.
Sailing narratives are restricted to a brief description of the adventures of setting a spinnaker, followed by a briefer account of dousing said spinnaker. The boats are described with the same emotion as if one were describing a 1989 Chevy. Considerably more time is spent on misadventures with the dinghy than with the big boat.
One chapter is devoted to a vacation in which no boat is involved, plus a delivery trip on the Erie Canal and down to Chesapeake Bay. This chapter benefits the book in only one way: by increasing the word count.
After nine years of the same trip in different locations, the profs take a tenth anniversary fling by chartering a catamaran in the Bahamas. They drink rum, eat cookies, and ogle girls . . . all of which could have been done in Denver, Milwaukee, or any other town. When I finished the book, my principle emotion was relief.
Am I being unfair to the author? Is there perhaps some profound point I missed in my reading? Lin and Larry Pardey these guys ain’t. On further thought, perhaps the book should have been titled, A Guys’ Guide to Spring Break in the Caribbean or Junior College Kicks and Beyond. When it comes to sailing, these “guys” are definitely in need of an education.
