A Pirate’s Christmas Wish: CD

If you like drinking rum, saying “Aargh,” and you’re looking for a Christmas CD with a pirate twist, you’ll love the Bilge Pumps’ A Pirate’s Christmas Wish. It’s bound to please anyone with a streak of irreverence and a propensity for piracy. The Bilge Pumps take traditional Christmas songs and replace the lyrics with pirate fare.

“Silver Bells” becomes “Pirate Yells.”

Pirate yells, (yaaar) pirate yells, (yaarr)
It’s Christmas time on the high seas.
Plundering, killing things, soon it will be Christmas Day.

“White Christmas” becomes “Blue Christmas.”

I’m dreaming of a blue Christmas
with every lover that I slew.
May your days be filled with gold and brew,
and may all your Christmas’s be blue.

One of the most delightfully bizarre songs on the CD is “Kwanzaa Pants” sung to the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree.”

Oh Kwanzaa pants, oh Kwanzaa pants,
how festive are your colors.

Your brilliant hues, your dulcet tones,
have scrambled all my rods and cones.

The Bilge Pumps hailing port is Dallas/Fort Worth, which is pretty darn far from the sea for pirates. In addition to their CDs, they have a busy schedule of live shows. Their performances combine sea songs, shanties, and Celtic music with a large dose of silly comedy. The group consists of five men who look fabulous in pirate regalia and play a variety of instruments including steel drums, kazoos, hand drums, and guitar.

Craig Lutke, who’s pirate name is Maroon, is the band’s producer and distributor. His company’s name is Ibidis Mortem Productions <http://www.ibidismortem.com>. In addition to Bilge Pumps CDs, Ibidis Mortem offers an eclectic collection of assorted esoteric stuff such as a lady-on-stilts performer, wild west and medieval stunt shows, and hand-crafted steel drum mallets.

Though not a song, one of my favorite pieces on the Christmas CD is “A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas.”

‘Twas the night before Christmas and far out to sea,
the pirates was sleeping as snug as could be.
Cept me (the lookout), I’m walking the deck.
I knew if I didn’t, they’d sure stretch me neck.

So now you can imagine, it was quite a surprise,
when a light in the distance come into me eyes.

I peered through the spy glass, then let out a hoot,
for out on the billows I spied some old coot.

There was nary a reindeer and neither a sleigh,
but eight silver dolphins was pulling a red dinghy my way.

So if you’re tired of the same old Christmas tunes and looking for something salty, check out the Bilge Pumps’ A Pirate’s Christmas Wish. It’s the closest you may ever come to spending Christmas at sea on a pirate ship. For a good laugh and to learn more about the Bilge Pumps, visit their website: <http://www.thebilgepumps.com>.